Finding the courage to create a joyful life

Posts tagged ‘Love’

The Learning Power of Feedback

  Learning From Feedback  

For those of you who know me personally, you know that Feedback is on    of  my biggest nemeses of life.  While I love to give feedback, looking at the feedback from others is very difficult for me. I suppose that is true for many since it is often difficult to look at our own stuff.

For me the most difficult part is taking all the feedback very personally!  You see, my Ego wants to constantly tell me that “I am what you think of me.” The reality is though that what you think of me says nothing about me and everything about you, the person who is providing the feedback.  This distinction is great mental learning, yet it is difficult for me to embody in the midst of a conversation.

I have found that my reaction is often very visceral and physical when I feel the feedback coming toward me, and I am sure that at times this has given some very interesting feedback to those I am interacting with.  The body language in bracing physically or drawing away is often not great for interpersonal communication. The energetic drawing away can really give some interesting messages too.

The amazing part  is I have the same reaction regardless of the feedback being positive or negative. In fact, it is almost more difficult for me to receive the positive messages that I am given.  This is where I use my personal energy to block as much as possible.  I am sure you have encountered people just like this or perhaps you are one. It is odd to encounter the person who deflects positive feedback. Messages of the interactions are confusing at best. It is even more difficult to look at the fact that is how I show up in the world.

Observing feedback from a place of Essence, a place of love, provides much learning. 

Observing family members who stuff their emotions until they explode, rather than express them, has shown me the value of constantly moving my emotions in the moment. This is a skill that takes practice for sure!  In the past though I would (and still sometimes do) take the emotional explosions personally and as attacks. This is when my feedback responses kick in super strongly, even to the point of Fighting back.  The reality though is that the whole experience is nothing but the other person’s over flowing of their suppressed emotions. The whole thing really says nothing about me.

I find though, if I look deeper, often these experiences can serve as my greatest teachers.  I have learned how anger, mine or anyone’s, is really just their fear flowing out.  I have learned that addressing the fear really is what changes the dynamics of the situation.  I have learned to ask of myself more often “what am I feeling?”  I have learned to look in the mirror of the situations I am confronted with to find the nugget of what learning is there for me. Most importantly I am learning that staying away from the opinion of others, good or bad, keeps me in a place of balance and flow. It keeps me in a place of confidence and loving me.

All this because I am not what you think of me, though my Ego would like me to believe that I am.

When I focus on my Essence I can stay in the natural place of love and compassion for whatever I encounter, taking the learning and leaving the drama. 

Such an easeful way of life! Ahhhhhhh! I wonder why I have chosen to live differently for so long?

Feeling the Fear

What a day it has been…

Never in my life have I experienced so many ups and downs in one day.  The roller coaster of emotion is rolling like waves to the point of overwhelming.  it is amazing to me the diversity of the joy, laughter, pain, fear, and anger that has rolled through my day.  Just as perplexing is the amount of physical change in my body that occurs with each emotion.

At this moment I have a headache and my stomach is very queezy.  When I look past the physical symptoms, I am able to see that my world is changing very quickly in unexpected ways which is bringing fear into my world. Fear for me triggers that queezy feeling, and trying to control the fear brings on the headache as I clench my jaw and tighten all the muscles in my body.

My inner knowing tells me that I need to find physical ways to express my fear.

Looking to processes like walking meditation, gentle stretching, or vibrating my body with laughter will create that physical release of the fear.  The beauty of these types of release is that they act as a conduit to the free and natural flow of emotion, allowing the movement rather than the blockage of the energy in my body.

Free moving and flowing emotions are one of the best ways to proactively prevent disease from taking hold.

Another suggestion for acknowledging and releasing fear is the use of Ho’o pono pono, as describes by Joe Vitale in his book entitled Zerolimits.  This is a system that allows us to clear  emotions and memories, bring us back to spirit.  Saying the simple phrase of I love you. I am sorry. please forgive me.  Thank you.  is a powerful way to release in love and transmute what we are feeling in gratitude for it showing up in our awareness. I have even focused this ho’o pono pono practice to the area of my body that is speaking loudly and the results have been amazing.

How do you handle your emotions?  Do you bottle them up and attack yourself from the inside, or do you acknowledge them and let them flow?  Do your emotions flow in a gentle and healthy manner, or do they back up and then explode through violently?

Do you pay attention to the symptoms in your body letting you know about what you need to be addressing emotionally? I do!  Sometimes I like what my body is telling me. Other times I don’t. But my body will always give me the gentle (sometimes not so gentle) nudges that will allow me to recognize and move through what is before me. For that I am truly grateful, and humbled by the magnificence of who I am.

As a side note my headache and queezy stomach have now passed….Journaling is also a great way to process emotions, but that is another topic for another day. 🙂

The Art of Being Nervy

Or “Who do you think you are and what gives you the right?”

As I continue my contemplation of all my Wild Joys of Living I often find myself entering into a construction zone.  You know the kind with all the orange cones and hard hats, just like the roads here in Utah. My latest construction zone finds me knee deep in the murky water of my relationship with myself.

I have the constant propensity to place everyone else and their needs first in my world. In doing that several things have occurred. First, I have lost myself because I am constantly dishonoring me. Second, I have become the hero, victim, or villain in the famous drama dance of life.  Both of these options suck!

In losing myself I have have given away my place of personal power. I have given away my God given right to go out and live my passions or create my dreams. I have done that by filling my world with so much of everyone else’s Stuff.  I have done that by being the hero, the doctor that fixes it, the mom that gets it all done and makes it all better. I have done this by choosing to be the bad guy, holding you accountable for your choices (even while I have not been accountable to me for mine). I have done that by making “their world” feel better for them.

So, Starting today I get to practice what I teach. I get to practice the Art of being Nervy, because It takes a lot of nerve in this world to put yourself first!

So what is being nervy?

First it is following the airline rules…put you oxygen mask on first and then assist those around you.  For me that means making a specified portion of my day that is for me.  The part where I get to fill myself up so that I can go forth and truly serve others from a balanced and grounded place. The part where I can be gentle with myself by relaxing, reading, bubble bathing, massaging, walking and moving, dancing, meditating, journaling….the possibilities are endless. It means speaking and living what is true for me. It means learning to make choices from the place of honoring both myself and the self of others, not the comfortable choice.

Secondly, It is damn nervy to go out and change how you show up for others, even if it is in everyone’s best interest.  It is damn nervy to say “you made the mess, you clean it up.”  “An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” “I am sorry, that sucks, but only you can change it.” Being willing to change how I show up though is the only way I can get back to the business of living my passions and my dreams, and  It also puts me in the position to be fully present with (you) the people in my life so that I can  say to them (you) from my heart “How may I assist you?” and be ready and willing to tell that other person if I can offer that level or form of support (is it a yes or is it a no for me).

So who am I and what gives me the right? I am an individual with a purpose and mission in this life. I have passions and dreams that are just as important as yours. I am here to love you and live my compassionate nature by assisting you, but I am not here to do it for you.

We each have the right and the responsibility to take on our own learning full force. My role as a healer says that I am here to offer you assistance, guidance, education, ect… in your process of healing. My role as a healer in no way states that I have to give my entire life trying to fix it for you. My role as a mother says I am here to show up for you and support you in your quest for your own passions and dreams, but it does not mean that your dreams are mine. My role as a partner say “I will love and support you in your learning and your path, but it does not mean that your path is mine” even though we are often on the same path.

So, please live what is true for you and I will live what is true for me. I promise to be honest with myself and with you. I promise to be in service to you as long as that service beings me joy instead of expectation or obligation. I promise to be open to feeling the joys and the ouches of life openly. Finally, I promise to always live the Namaste’ Principle by honoring the light in myself and acknowledging your light by honoring you too.

So am I Nervy…you bet! Because I am worth it and it is the best way I know to create whole-body healing.

A Shift of Perspective

“Beliefs create the thoughts which create the actions that create your results.”

This was the first thing I read when I woke up this morning, and the profoundness of this statement immediately struck me. I have for the past 20+ years of my life been both a student and teacher of health. I have pushed, pulled, and wrestled to the ground just about every idea for sharing all of the concepts that I learn about health on a daily basis. I have even consistently struggled with my own health issues in order to create even more opportunities for learning for both myself and others when it comes to issues of body and health. The reality though is that even with all of the thoughts I have been trying to teach, I have been missing looking at the beginning. I have glossed over looking at my beliefs about health. My beliefs about myself.

I have for a long time stood firm that I have the belief that good health is everything. Looking from new eyes though I can see that that belief was just a grand cover up.

What I really needed was to look from a different perspective.

Last night my perspective shifted. The easiest way  to tell you is that I reversed the statement above. From my results, I began to look at what actions I was or was not taking. I think we all do this. My example for you would be this: I am overweight (result). What I am doing is drinking to many calorie filled coffees each day, or What I am not doing is exercising enough (actions). What I have done here in the past is make some “course corrections” that will stick for a little while. When the initial resolve passes, I gradually come back around to the point where I started. This is the viscous cycle that I have seen so many people run and run myself. This cycle for me has created a lot of defeat and self beat-up, but I kept choosing to repeat it.

So as I said I looked again… I looked past the actions this time

So my result is overweight. The actions that contribute to my overweight are calorie filled coffee and lack of exercise. Then I moved on to what thoughts are creating these actions. This is were for me it was getting uncomfortable. I got to look at things like I’m not good enough, I’m fat, I’m not pretty, I suck. Wow ! That was harsh and uncomfortable!

Is it any wonder that most of humanity stays stuck in the action-result phase. If that is what my thoughts were saying about me it was a miracle that I did not weight 1200 lbs. The thoughts alone would make me or anyone go searching for any type of comfort that could be found. One of my biggest comforts has always been food so…Wah la… my immediate “Action” was to “feed” the story in my head and perpetuate the result.

But Wait! There is more. So I looked back even further.

Result <- Actions <- Thoughts <- (((Beliefs)))

Now I was at the point of really looking at what I believed to be true about myself. Here comes the really painful, yet delicious part. When I looked deeply, really deeply, I realized that what was true for me was that I did not LOVE myself. Now I had to dig a little (a lot) because my thoughts kept telling me that I believed that good health was everything and how could I possibly not love myself.  But then I kept asking myself “If I did really love myself and I really believed that good health was everything, why were my results out of alignment?”

The moment that I got to the place where I could admit I did not love myself the Aha moment came flooding in. If I really had that self love then my thoughts, actions and my results will show that I believe good health to be everything.

The Aha moment said work it the other direction.
I love myself (belief). And by loving myself I am Powerful, Creative, Committed, and a damn Sexy Woman. And from those thoughts arose inspired action that I could Nurture my body and love my body with ease by removing the creamer from my coffee (big calorie dump there) and by lovingly moving my body more (more walking in nature and dancing). From this inspired action I have set the stage to create a new result.

That Brings Me Wild Joy!  

The process was so easeful. When I stepped back and look from another direction, it was simply amazing to find that I really had my own answers all along.

I invite you to give it a whirl with some body issue you have been struggling with…You might just Love your new results. And always remember that good health comes from within!