Make a list today of the people, places, and experiences that bring you Joy then go out into the world and Do, Be, Experience and Share them. Your world will be forever changed!
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
It has come to my awareness that I have probably the most creative Ego of all time.
As I have been traversing my path of self learning I have had some marvelous training on this wonderful concept lovingly labeled “The Drama Triangle.” from a wonderful Life Coach, Jennifer Halterman of Everyday Joy & Essence. She teaches this concept about how Drama is a wonderful game that we all so often play in our relationships. You know, where someone plays the villain and victimizes someone and then a hero comes in and rescues things an puts life back to being right and good. Well my learning on this concept has deepened here of late and as I reflect I find the whole thing astounding.
I have learned that not only can this game play out in the world, it also plays out internally within me. This internal Drama Triangle plays out when my Ego starts running the show.
My Ego really likes to be in control. When my life starts whirling with change then my ego likes to jump into the game. My Ego gives me feedback. “I am a victim of all the changing circumstances”, or better “I am the villain of my life for not maintaining control.” The kicker is when the feedback says “regain control and you will be your own hero.” This of course is a set up! Control is an illusion so there really is nothing to regain. The set up though lies in the fact that I can once again play the role of victim when I am unsuccessful at regaining the illusory control and my Ego has no problem telling me I am not good enough to deal with the situation at hand. Sneaky Bugger!
The larger awareness though is in the fact that just by entering into my Ego’s game I had given away my power. I never understood before that I was the one taking my own power and leaving myself to feel not good enough or less-than. Enter even greater understanding….
The greatest relationship I have is the one with myself.
In this relationship with myself choice points occur. Do I enter the Ego Drama or stay In my self-loving Essence. Do I retain my personal power or do I give my power away. Choice! It is always about choice.
My Ego is very Sneaky! It is very practiced at staying in charge and keeping me playing drama on the triangle. In fact, the Ego really likes to be in charge. It likes to be in charge because one of the Ego’s primary functions is to keep me safe, thus keeping me living in Fear. While safety is good, fear is not.
My intention is to move forward from the place of this awareness and learn to look at the feedback from my Ego in a different way; Not from a place of fear, not from the place of being victimized by it, not letting my Ego get a big head for keeping me safe, rather from a place of Love. I will run all feedback both given and received through a filter of Love and “highest good” at each choice point. Asking the question, is this feedback loving and does it serve the highest good?
Sometimes feedback does not feel good and does serve the highest good of those involved. The key when it does not feel good is does it fill both criteria, Loving and Highest Good? Other times feedback feels great, but is not of the highest good. Again, does it fill both criteria, Loving and Highest Good? Discernment with breath is the key.
So now when my Ego starts to play it’s sneaky games I can stop, take a breath and remember that I am always at choice about giving away my power or using it to live my highest good. And that feedback outside of my Ego is a very powerful tool to obtain the personal awareness that I value so much.
To learn more about the Drama Triangle Visit The Blogtalk Radio rebroadcast of Everyday Joy – The Drama Triangle
To learn more about Essence Coach Jennifer Halterman Visit The Everyday Joy and Essence Website
What a day it has been…
Never in my life have I experienced so many ups and downs in one day. The roller coaster of emotion is rolling like waves to the point of overwhelming. it is amazing to me the diversity of the joy, laughter, pain, fear, and anger that has rolled through my day. Just as perplexing is the amount of physical change in my body that occurs with each emotion.
At this moment I have a headache and my stomach is very queezy. When I look past the physical symptoms, I am able to see that my world is changing very quickly in unexpected ways which is bringing fear into my world. Fear for me triggers that queezy feeling, and trying to control the fear brings on the headache as I clench my jaw and tighten all the muscles in my body.
My inner knowing tells me that I need to find physical ways to express my fear.
Looking to processes like walking meditation, gentle stretching, or vibrating my body with laughter will create that physical release of the fear. The beauty of these types of release is that they act as a conduit to the free and natural flow of emotion, allowing the movement rather than the blockage of the energy in my body.
Free moving and flowing emotions are one of the best ways to proactively prevent disease from taking hold.
Another suggestion for acknowledging and releasing fear is the use of Ho’o pono pono, as describes by Joe Vitale in his book entitled Zerolimits. This is a system that allows us to clear emotions and memories, bring us back to spirit. Saying the simple phrase of I love you. I am sorry. please forgive me. Thank you. is a powerful way to release in love and transmute what we are feeling in gratitude for it showing up in our awareness. I have even focused this ho’o pono pono practice to the area of my body that is speaking loudly and the results have been amazing.
How do you handle your emotions? Do you bottle them up and attack yourself from the inside, or do you acknowledge them and let them flow? Do your emotions flow in a gentle and healthy manner, or do they back up and then explode through violently?
Do you pay attention to the symptoms in your body letting you know about what you need to be addressing emotionally? I do! Sometimes I like what my body is telling me. Other times I don’t. But my body will always give me the gentle (sometimes not so gentle) nudges that will allow me to recognize and move through what is before me. For that I am truly grateful, and humbled by the magnificence of who I am.
As a side note my headache and queezy stomach have now passed….Journaling is also a great way to process emotions, but that is another topic for another day. 🙂
Or “Who do you think you are and what gives you the right?”
As I continue my contemplation of all my Wild Joys of Living I often find myself entering into a construction zone. You know the kind with all the orange cones and hard hats, just like the roads here in Utah. My latest construction zone finds me knee deep in the murky water of my relationship with myself.
I have the constant propensity to place everyone else and their needs first in my world. In doing that several things have occurred. First, I have lost myself because I am constantly dishonoring me. Second, I have become the hero, victim, or villain in the famous drama dance of life. Both of these options suck!
In losing myself I have have given away my place of personal power. I have given away my God given right to go out and live my passions or create my dreams. I have done that by filling my world with so much of everyone else’s Stuff. I have done that by being the hero, the doctor that fixes it, the mom that gets it all done and makes it all better. I have done this by choosing to be the bad guy, holding you accountable for your choices (even while I have not been accountable to me for mine). I have done that by making “their world” feel better for them.
So, Starting today I get to practice what I teach. I get to practice the Art of being Nervy, because It takes a lot of nerve in this world to put yourself first!
So what is being nervy?
First it is following the airline rules…put you oxygen mask on first and then assist those around you. For me that means making a specified portion of my day that is for me. The part where I get to fill myself up so that I can go forth and truly serve others from a balanced and grounded place. The part where I can be gentle with myself by relaxing, reading, bubble bathing, massaging, walking and moving, dancing, meditating, journaling….the possibilities are endless. It means speaking and living what is true for me. It means learning to make choices from the place of honoring both myself and the self of others, not the comfortable choice.
Secondly, It is damn nervy to go out and change how you show up for others, even if it is in everyone’s best interest. It is damn nervy to say “you made the mess, you clean it up.” “An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” “I am sorry, that sucks, but only you can change it.” Being willing to change how I show up though is the only way I can get back to the business of living my passions and my dreams, and It also puts me in the position to be fully present with (you) the people in my life so that I can say to them (you) from my heart “How may I assist you?” and be ready and willing to tell that other person if I can offer that level or form of support (is it a yes or is it a no for me).
So who am I and what gives me the right? I am an individual with a purpose and mission in this life. I have passions and dreams that are just as important as yours. I am here to love you and live my compassionate nature by assisting you, but I am not here to do it for you.
We each have the right and the responsibility to take on our own learning full force. My role as a healer says that I am here to offer you assistance, guidance, education, ect… in your process of healing. My role as a healer in no way states that I have to give my entire life trying to fix it for you. My role as a mother says I am here to show up for you and support you in your quest for your own passions and dreams, but it does not mean that your dreams are mine. My role as a partner say “I will love and support you in your learning and your path, but it does not mean that your path is mine” even though we are often on the same path.
So, please live what is true for you and I will live what is true for me. I promise to be honest with myself and with you. I promise to be in service to you as long as that service beings me joy instead of expectation or obligation. I promise to be open to feeling the joys and the ouches of life openly. Finally, I promise to always live the Namaste’ Principle by honoring the light in myself and acknowledging your light by honoring you too.
So am I Nervy…you bet! Because I am worth it and it is the best way I know to create whole-body healing.
I often come into contact with individuals who express to me displeasure about their body. I am told many things about how they don’t like their weight, or that they are out of shape, or that they are dealing with some form of illness. From that discussion then emerges questions about the latest fad diet, fitness program, or natural healing strategy. Does this sound familiar?
I know it does to me. I often say I need to lose weight or I hate going to the gym. The unfortunate part is that when I say these things to myself or out loud my body hears a resoundingly loud message. “I don’t love you, I am not happy, and you suck.”
For many years I have fought the never ending battle with myself about diet, exercise and my general health. I have been able to make short term changes, but things always cycled back around. When the cycle came full circle there I was again and the message stayed the same. “I don’t love you, I am not happy, and you suck.” I call this my ultimate form of insanity.
While exploring all of the tools that were available to me as I walked my path of life, there was one core piece that I often overlooked. That is the use of Essence Qualities in managing my body.
What are Essence Qualities? The are the qualities that we as individuals express from the inner core of our being. Some examples of my personal essence qualities are Love, Joy, Compassion, Laughter, Fun, and Creativity. (though the list is much longer I assure you)
So knowing who I am on the inside (My Essence) puts me in a different space and allows me to make choices for my body that serve me and fill me up. Instead of asking which fad diet will allow me to lose weight I begin to ask “Is this (Insert food of choice here) loving for my body?Does this (insert type of exercise) Love and support my body? Does it bring me joy? Is it Fun and creative? By doing or eating ____ am I acting with compassion toward myself?” Then I listen to my Yes’ and No’s.
In using my Essence Qualities as a guide post I find that having love and compassion for my body may look like nourishing it with green smoothies, and at other times my body may want to express fun and laughter by enjoying a cupcake. I find that my body may want to express movement through dancing and not a strenuous workout at the gym. I find that having compassion for my body may mean taking a break from sugar or caffeine. Using Essence Qualities as the guide post lets me tap into the inner knowing that exists in me to find the answers that I seek. Using Essence qualities lets me find a gentle path, and changes my inner dialogue to “I love you, I am happy, and you Rock!” It takes away the temptation for self beat-up by allowing open expression.
Using Essence Qualities as a tool to make choices from places me in a position of personal power and allows me to be gentle, compassionate, and loving with myself.
“If you live on the level of the Body and the Individual, you will get entangled in food, fun and frolic, ease, envy and pride. Forget it, ignore it, overcome it — You will have peace, joy and calm. In the Divine Path, there is no chance of failure; it is the Path of Love.”
Sri Sathya Sai Baba
Setting a clear intention is one of the most pivotal actions to take when changing your health is what you desire.
Working as a healthcare professional for almost 20 years now has given me a huge chance to exercise my listening skills. especially when it comes to working with people who are in battle with some type of ill-health. Over the years, the most frequently asked question that I have heard is this ( and it is usually prefaced by the statement “No one has been able to help me”) “Is there anything you can do to get me better?”
In my early days of practice I would move into my role as reassuring provider. That is, until I learned this powerful secret.
Only the person with the illness, or dis-ease can create healing within themselves.
Think about it….you can apply any number of pills, lotions, potions, medical procedures, etc. to a problem or condition, but it is only what your body does with the treatment that makes any difference.
Many individuals look at me like I am crazy after I have told them that I can’t DO anything to change their condition. Only their body can change their condition by BEING in the space for healing to occur.
The BEING space of healing starts with setting a clear intention about what it is that you are asking your body to accomplish. It also requires a willingness to listen and do what your body directs you to do to reach that outcome.
Here is an example: An lady names Serena came into my office seeking chiropractic treatment for pain and numbness that she was experiencing in her shoulder and neck. She informed me that she had been dealing with these problems for more than 3 years. She then proceeded to give me a laundry list of all of the Doctors she had seen, procedures she had done, medications she had taken, exercise regimes that she had tried, braces and supports she had worn. The list was long and extensive. It was obvious that the medical approach she was taking was not giving her the result she desired.
It was time for Serena to take her healing to the next level. This is where Serena and I had a conversation about her Intention for Healing.
I asked Serena the simple question of “What do you want?” Her immediate response was that she wanted to be out of pain and to be able to use her arms and hands freely so she could live her life. She wanted to do things like play tennis again and be able to hold her child without it causing pain or making her feel like she was going to drop her.
My next question was “What are you willing to do to get what you want?” Serena replied with the standard answer saying she would do anything to create a pain free life again.
I asked Serena if she would be willing to change her job to get rid of the pain. Here she squirmed but said that she would if she had to. I asked her if she would be willing to look at the emotions like anger, or emotional situations that might be creating or perpetuating her pain. At this point in our conversation Serena became agitated and quite insistent that there was no anger that was causing her pain. I knew we were on to something with her response. What I was looking for though was her willingness with her stated intention. So I asked again. “Are you willing to look at and clear out the emotional components of your physical complaint?” Serena was so agitated by the question, and so un-willing to step into her emotions that she ended the consultation shortly thereafter and left the office.
What is there to learn from Serena?
First and foremost is that there must be a clear intention for healing to take place. Second, With a clear intention there must also be an unwavering willingness to do things that seem very uncomfortable or that launch us into the unknown. And finally, we must be willing to listen to ourselves, and listen to our bodies to find the answers for ourselves.
This is what Serena did…
Serena left the office agitated and flustered, but the conversation kept replaying for her. As she took in the message she decided to dig in and really listen to what her body was telling her. After a short time of learning to gently support her body with physical care, taking the time to examine her thoughts and emotions, and surrendering the healing process to her spirit, Serena found success. It took her 4 short months to heal what she had suffered with for years.
That my friends is the Wild Joy and the Art of Whole Body Healing.
“Beliefs create the thoughts which create the actions that create your results.”
This was the first thing I read when I woke up this morning, and the profoundness of this statement immediately struck me. I have for the past 20+ years of my life been both a student and teacher of health. I have pushed, pulled, and wrestled to the ground just about every idea for sharing all of the concepts that I learn about health on a daily basis. I have even consistently struggled with my own health issues in order to create even more opportunities for learning for both myself and others when it comes to issues of body and health. The reality though is that even with all of the thoughts I have been trying to teach, I have been missing looking at the beginning. I have glossed over looking at my beliefs about health. My beliefs about myself.
I have for a long time stood firm that I have the belief that good health is everything. Looking from new eyes though I can see that that belief was just a grand cover up.
What I really needed was to look from a different perspective.
Last night my perspective shifted. The easiest way to tell you is that I reversed the statement above. From my results, I began to look at what actions I was or was not taking. I think we all do this. My example for you would be this: I am overweight (result). What I am doing is drinking to many calorie filled coffees each day, or What I am not doing is exercising enough (actions). What I have done here in the past is make some “course corrections” that will stick for a little while. When the initial resolve passes, I gradually come back around to the point where I started. This is the viscous cycle that I have seen so many people run and run myself. This cycle for me has created a lot of defeat and self beat-up, but I kept choosing to repeat it.
So as I said I looked again… I looked past the actions this time
So my result is overweight. The actions that contribute to my overweight are calorie filled coffee and lack of exercise. Then I moved on to what thoughts are creating these actions. This is were for me it was getting uncomfortable. I got to look at things like I’m not good enough, I’m fat, I’m not pretty, I suck. Wow ! That was harsh and uncomfortable!
Is it any wonder that most of humanity stays stuck in the action-result phase. If that is what my thoughts were saying about me it was a miracle that I did not weight 1200 lbs. The thoughts alone would make me or anyone go searching for any type of comfort that could be found. One of my biggest comforts has always been food so…Wah la… my immediate “Action” was to “feed” the story in my head and perpetuate the result.
But Wait! There is more. So I looked back even further.
Result <- Actions <- Thoughts <- (((Beliefs)))
Now I was at the point of really looking at what I believed to be true about myself. Here comes the really painful, yet delicious part. When I looked deeply, really deeply, I realized that what was true for me was that I did not LOVE myself. Now I had to dig a little (a lot) because my thoughts kept telling me that I believed that good health was everything and how could I possibly not love myself. But then I kept asking myself “If I did really love myself and I really believed that good health was everything, why were my results out of alignment?”
The moment that I got to the place where I could admit I did not love myself the Aha moment came flooding in. If I really had that self love then my thoughts, actions and my results will show that I believe good health to be everything.
The Aha moment said work it the other direction.
I love myself (belief). And by loving myself I am Powerful, Creative, Committed, and a damn Sexy Woman. And from those thoughts arose inspired action that I could Nurture my body and love my body with ease by removing the creamer from my coffee (big calorie dump there) and by lovingly moving my body more (more walking in nature and dancing). From this inspired action I have set the stage to create a new result.
The process was so easeful. When I stepped back and look from another direction, it was simply amazing to find that I really had my own answers all along.
I invite you to give it a whirl with some body issue you have been struggling with…You might just Love your new results. And always remember that good health comes from within!