For those of you who know me personally, you know that Feedback is on of my biggest nemeses of life. While I love to give feedback, looking at the feedback from others is very difficult for me. I suppose that is true for many since it is often difficult to look at our own stuff.
For me the most difficult part is taking all the feedback very personally! You see, my Ego wants to constantly tell me that “I am what you think of me.” The reality is though that what you think of me says nothing about me and everything about you, the person who is providing the feedback. This distinction is great mental learning, yet it is difficult for me to embody in the midst of a conversation.
I have found that my reaction is often very visceral and physical when I feel the feedback coming toward me, and I am sure that at times this has given some very interesting feedback to those I am interacting with. The body language in bracing physically or drawing away is often not great for interpersonal communication. The energetic drawing away can really give some interesting messages too.
The amazing part is I have the same reaction regardless of the feedback being positive or negative. In fact, it is almost more difficult for me to receive the positive messages that I am given. This is where I use my personal energy to block as much as possible. I am sure you have encountered people just like this or perhaps you are one. It is odd to encounter the person who deflects positive feedback. Messages of the interactions are confusing at best. It is even more difficult to look at the fact that is how I show up in the world.
Observing feedback from a place of Essence, a place of love, provides much learning.
Observing family members who stuff their emotions until they explode, rather than express them, has shown me the value of constantly moving my emotions in the moment. This is a skill that takes practice for sure! In the past though I would (and still sometimes do) take the emotional explosions personally and as attacks. This is when my feedback responses kick in super strongly, even to the point of Fighting back. The reality though is that the whole experience is nothing but the other person’s over flowing of their suppressed emotions. The whole thing really says nothing about me.
I find though, if I look deeper, often these experiences can serve as my greatest teachers. I have learned how anger, mine or anyone’s, is really just their fear flowing out. I have learned that addressing the fear really is what changes the dynamics of the situation. I have learned to ask of myself more often “what am I feeling?” I have learned to look in the mirror of the situations I am confronted with to find the nugget of what learning is there for me. Most importantly I am learning that staying away from the opinion of others, good or bad, keeps me in a place of balance and flow. It keeps me in a place of confidence and loving me.
All this because I am not what you think of me, though my Ego would like me to believe that I am.
When I focus on my Essence I can stay in the natural place of love and compassion for whatever I encounter, taking the learning and leaving the drama.
Such an easeful way of life! Ahhhhhhh! I wonder why I have chosen to live differently for so long?