Finding the courage to create a joyful life

Archive for July, 2011

The Art of Being Nervy

Or “Who do you think you are and what gives you the right?”

As I continue my contemplation of all my Wild Joys of Living I often find myself entering into a construction zone.  You know the kind with all the orange cones and hard hats, just like the roads here in Utah. My latest construction zone finds me knee deep in the murky water of my relationship with myself.

I have the constant propensity to place everyone else and their needs first in my world. In doing that several things have occurred. First, I have lost myself because I am constantly dishonoring me. Second, I have become the hero, victim, or villain in the famous drama dance of life.  Both of these options suck!

In losing myself I have have given away my place of personal power. I have given away my God given right to go out and live my passions or create my dreams. I have done that by filling my world with so much of everyone else’s Stuff.  I have done that by being the hero, the doctor that fixes it, the mom that gets it all done and makes it all better. I have done this by choosing to be the bad guy, holding you accountable for your choices (even while I have not been accountable to me for mine). I have done that by making “their world” feel better for them.

So, Starting today I get to practice what I teach. I get to practice the Art of being Nervy, because It takes a lot of nerve in this world to put yourself first!

So what is being nervy?

First it is following the airline rules…put you oxygen mask on first and then assist those around you.  For me that means making a specified portion of my day that is for me.  The part where I get to fill myself up so that I can go forth and truly serve others from a balanced and grounded place. The part where I can be gentle with myself by relaxing, reading, bubble bathing, massaging, walking and moving, dancing, meditating, journaling….the possibilities are endless. It means speaking and living what is true for me. It means learning to make choices from the place of honoring both myself and the self of others, not the comfortable choice.

Secondly, It is damn nervy to go out and change how you show up for others, even if it is in everyone’s best interest.  It is damn nervy to say “you made the mess, you clean it up.”  “An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” “I am sorry, that sucks, but only you can change it.” Being willing to change how I show up though is the only way I can get back to the business of living my passions and my dreams, and  It also puts me in the position to be fully present with (you) the people in my life so that I can  say to them (you) from my heart “How may I assist you?” and be ready and willing to tell that other person if I can offer that level or form of support (is it a yes or is it a no for me).

So who am I and what gives me the right? I am an individual with a purpose and mission in this life. I have passions and dreams that are just as important as yours. I am here to love you and live my compassionate nature by assisting you, but I am not here to do it for you.

We each have the right and the responsibility to take on our own learning full force. My role as a healer says that I am here to offer you assistance, guidance, education, ect… in your process of healing. My role as a healer in no way states that I have to give my entire life trying to fix it for you. My role as a mother says I am here to show up for you and support you in your quest for your own passions and dreams, but it does not mean that your dreams are mine. My role as a partner say “I will love and support you in your learning and your path, but it does not mean that your path is mine” even though we are often on the same path.

So, please live what is true for you and I will live what is true for me. I promise to be honest with myself and with you. I promise to be in service to you as long as that service beings me joy instead of expectation or obligation. I promise to be open to feeling the joys and the ouches of life openly. Finally, I promise to always live the Namaste’ Principle by honoring the light in myself and acknowledging your light by honoring you too.

So am I Nervy…you bet! Because I am worth it and it is the best way I know to create whole-body healing.


Living My Essence and Other Crazy Ideas…

I often come into contact with individuals who express to me displeasure about their body. I am told many things about how they don’t like their weight, or that they are out of shape, or that they are dealing with some form of illness. From that discussion then emerges questions about the latest fad diet, fitness program, or natural healing strategy. Does this sound familiar?

I know it does to me. I often say I need to lose weight or I hate going to the gym. The unfortunate part is that when I say these things to myself or out loud my body hears a resoundingly loud message. “I don’t love you,  I am not happy, and you suck.”

For many years I have fought the never ending battle with myself about diet, exercise and my general health.  I have been able to make short term changes, but things always cycled back around. When the cycle came full circle there I was again and the message stayed the same. “I don’t love you,  I am not happy, and you suck.” I call this my ultimate form of insanity.

While exploring all of the tools that were available to me as I walked my path of life, there was one core piece that I often overlooked. That is the use of Essence Qualities in managing my body.

What are Essence Qualities?  The are the qualities that we as individuals express from  the inner core of our being.  Some examples of my personal essence qualities are Love, Joy, Compassion, Laughter, Fun, and Creativity. (though the list is much longer I assure you)

So knowing who I am on the inside (My Essence) puts me in a different space and allows me to make choices for my body that serve me and fill me up.  Instead of asking which fad diet will allow me to lose weight I begin to ask “Is this (Insert food of choice here) loving for my body?Does this (insert type of exercise) Love and support my body? Does it bring me joy? Is it Fun and creative? By doing or eating ____ am I acting with compassion toward myself?” Then I listen to my Yes’ and No’s.

In using my Essence Qualities as a guide post I find that having love and compassion for my body may look like nourishing it with green smoothies, and at other times my body may want to express fun and laughter by enjoying a cupcake. I find that my body may want to express movement through dancing and not a strenuous workout at the gym. I find that having compassion for my body  may mean taking a break from sugar or caffeine. Using  Essence Qualities as the guide post lets me tap into the inner knowing that exists in me to find the answers that I seek. Using Essence qualities lets me find a gentle path, and changes my inner dialogue to “I love you, I am happy, and you Rock!”  It takes away the temptation for self beat-up by allowing open expression.

Using Essence Qualities as a tool to make choices from places me in a position of personal power and allows me to be gentle, compassionate, and loving with myself.

“If you live on the level of the Body and the Individual, you will get entangled in food, fun and frolic, ease, envy and pride. Forget it, ignore it, overcome it — You will have peace, joy and calm. In the Divine Path, there is no chance of failure; it is the Path of Love.”

Sri Sathya Sai Baba